How to make friends as an adult

Do you ever look back on your school days and marvel at how easy it was to make new friends? Sometimes it was as simple as complimenting someone’s outfit or sharing your lunch. When did it get so complicated?

Let’s be honest, making friends as an adult isn’t always easy. Without an organized, daily community—like school—forming strong connections can feel daunting. Friendship takes time and intentionality, and adults who work full time or care for families often feel they have little of either to spare.

And yet, community and friendship are vitally important. They’re biblical and essential for spiritual formation and mental health. “Two are better than one … if either of them falls down, one can help the other up” [Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, NIV]. With that in mind, here are six practical tips for building friendships in adulthood:

1. Be open and approachable

For task-oriented people, small talk can feel more like a chore than a bridge to connection. But deep friendships rarely begin in the deep end—they start with small, simple steps.

Smiling, making eye contact, and saying hello signal that you’re open to conversation. These brief interactions may feel insignificant, but they often pave the way for something meaningful.

2. Show genuine interest

When someone expresses sincere curiosity and interest in your life, admit it—it makes you feel valued. Now it’s your turn to offer that same care. Be the friend you hope to have.

Scripture encourages us to “let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” [Philippians 2:4, ESV]. Ask thoughtful questions, listen attentively, and remember details. The next time you see that person, ask how their interview went, how their dad is recovering from that surgery, or whether they tried that restaurant they mentioned. People feel seen when they’re truly heard.

If you say you’ll pray for someone, follow through. You might even jot notes on your phone to remember important details. Sending a text on the day of an important event or offering to show up for support when appropriate can go a long way. Consistent check-ins help relationships deepen.

3. Start where you already are

Friendships in school are often formed through forced proximity, and the same principle applies in adulthood. Look for connection within your existing routines—church, work, volunteer opportunities, fitness classes, or hobbies you enjoy.

Join that small group you’ve been considering. Strike up a conversation with a coworker you admire. Start a book club with others who love to read. Shared experiences naturally create opportunities for connection.

If weekly commitments aren’t realistic because of family or work responsibilities, build friendships around the rhythms you already have. Parents of young children can plan playdates. Caregivers can find community with others who understand the weight of that role. Even in isolating seasons, meaningful connection is possible.

4. Be the initiator

If you’re waiting for someone else to take a leap of faith toward friendship, you may end up waiting a while. Chances are, others feel just as nervous as you do. Take the risk—invite someone for coffee, sit with someone new, or follow up after a good conversation.

If the first attempt doesn’t work out, don’t be discouraged. Suggest an alternative date or a different activity. Following up doesn’t make you needy; it shows genuine interest.

5. Be authentic and vulnerable

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re too much, too awkward, or don’t quite belong, you’re not alone. Many people carry the same insecurities. Sometimes all it takes is one person willing to be fully themselves to break down those walls—and that person could be you.

Authenticity invites trust and gives others permission to be real in return. Not everyone will connect with you, and that’s okay. The right people will. You don’t need to impress—kindness and sincerity go a long way.

6. Get out of your head

We’re often far more critical of ourselves than others are. Fear of seeming awkward or rejection can keep us from reaching out. However, most people are too focused on how they’re coming across to dwell on something weird you said hours ago.

Instead, your attention likely made them feel noticed and valued. Let go of assumptions about how others perceive you and take the step toward connection. Meaningful friendships are often found on the other side of that risk.