Showing Jesus’s spirit to friends with illness

Healer. Helper. Heart-mender. Hope-filled defender.

Each is a characteristic of God, but it also describes who we want to be for our friends and family members in their times of need.

However, a challenging disease or new diagnosis is often draining for both the hurting person and the helping person. Emotions run high, physical self-care runs low, and spiritual tanks sit half-empty. In the meantime, we wait and watch and wonder what to do to work wellness back into our friends’ lives.

Even amid challenging times, each of us can act as an agent of God’s love. Here’s how we can help with hearts full of hope:

Encourage one another

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 [NIV]

This verse tells us that encouragement isn’t just a “nice-to-have” characteristic; it’s a God-given calling. Encouragement means finding what works for your friends based on their needs, situation, and love language. Your friend or family member might not know how to ask for what they need, so offering options and opportunities can be a great start.

 Try tackling these tips to offer tangible support:

• Make meals: Dropping off something as simple as a salad, soup, and side of bread can give friends and family members relief from the need to make a dinner decision.
• Grab groceries: Shopping, doing dishes, folding laundry, and running other errands are all stress-relieving acts of service.
• Chip in for childcare: Offering to watch little ones and assist with their needs frees up space for much-needed appointments or quality time.
• Learn the art of letter writing: Leaving notes and cards of encouragement can lift spirits and help heal hearts.
• A little gift goes a long way: That small, thoughtful comfort item that you know your friend loves? Now’s the perfect time to pick it up for them as a reminder that they’re seen and loved.

Use Scripture for comfort

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” – Hebrews 4:12 [NIV]

Offering words of encouragement from the Bible is a great way to speak life into hopeless spirits and souls.

Don’t know what to say? That’s okay, because God does! His Words are full of healing, hope, and joy for our souls. When we see examples of Jesus comforting someone in the Bible, each one points to who He is as Savior, redeemer, and friend. He sits in the real and raw, He feels their emotions with them, and He takes tangible (and often unexpected) routes along their roads to redemption.

We, too, can pick the unexpected path. Praying with (and for) your friends doesn’t need to be complicated. As we lean in and listen to His heart, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us [Romans 8:26-27]. If you feel prompted, go ahead and ask your friend or family member if you can pray for them right then and there. It might be awkward at first, but sometimes acting as an agent of love means embracing the hard moments to reach hope on the other side.

Here’s what a few CHM members have had to say about the impact of spiritual support:

“God was working on the whole thing. He used people like Katherine to help us. She called to check on me all the time. She prayed with me. It made me feel like a person, and that I was cared about.”

– Cheryl Fuller

“I still receive the nicest cards from CHM members who are praying for us. Though we haven’t personally met these members, their letters are heartfelt and encouraging.”

– Cara Chatwin

“The most astonishing part of my health crisis was the outpouring of prayer support in the form of cards, letters, and emails from CHM members across the country. Each week our mailbox was filled with fervent, written prayers from the amazing Body of Christ.”

—Alice Rouse

Use emotional intelligence: How to know what to say (or not)

Not knowing the right words to say isn’t a unique experience, especially when staring down sorrow, grief, fear, or a new medical diagnosis. However, offering a listening ear is often more important than sharing our own thoughts.

According to a study conducted by Zenger Folkman, listening well and offering more silence in conversation leads to enhanced relationships and stronger trust between individuals. This means that welcoming silence can help build your biblical community and strengthen your mutual sense of belonging.

Combining active listening skills and the power of your presence (being willing to show up when it counts) employs your emotional intelligence. When we spend more time listening and simply being physically and mentally present, we’ll be more likely to say the right thing at the right time.

Beat burnout when caring for others

While we help our friends and family cope with their medical diagnosis, grief journey, or chronic conditions, it’s important to stay aware of our own capacity. Burnout symptoms encompass a whole host of physical and mental red flags, including exhaustion, emotional numbness, headaches, stomach issues, sleep issues, loss of motivation, and more.

It’s completely normal to encounter heightened emotions, secondary stress, or caregiving concerns while serving others. But facing fear, grief, and helplessness doesn’t need to keep you down. Here are a few tips to help you as you face your own feelings:

• Acknowledge the hurt: Don’t deny your thoughts, feelings, or concerns. Be present in the validity of the trials you’re witnessing.
• Seek your own support system: Just as you’re bearing the burdens of your hurting friend or family member, you equally need biblical community to rely on during your own struggles. Find a trusted friend, family member, church pal, pastor, or counselor to talk to and process your emotions together.
• Take time to reset: Sometimes we need to start a new rhythm to reset our nervous systems and prioritize physical wellbeing. Step away when you need to take breaks and use that time to sit in God’s presence, start a new hobby, or spend time in self-care.
• Bring it all to Christ: Everyone has limits – except for God. The only way we can continue to serve is by staying connected to the source of help and healing Himself. Renew your soul and spirit by spending time talking to Him, and rest knowing that He will guide you every step of the way.