“Self-care is selfish.”
That phrase is often what we hear from both fellow believers and our own internal dialogues. Here’s the hard truth: Perhaps we have witnessed some form of selfishness or hurt when a friend or family member chose to prioritize themselves over the needs of others.
However, it’s probably more likely that we’ve been telling ourselves we’re unworthy of care due to our constant striving, our commitment to busyness, our negative thought patterns, our strong self-condemnation, or our stuffed-down emotional pain. We may even over spiritualize our disregard for self-care by telling ourselves that it’s wrong, sinful, or shameful to be burned out, desire to take time for ourselves, or ask for help.
Ultimately, for us to get a snapshot of the biblical definition of self-care, we need to dive into Scripture.
Psalm 139:14
While scripture doesn’t specifically use the term “self-care,” Bible verses about the themes of self-care do give us clear direction about how we’re intended to walk in wellness.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” –Psalm 139:14 (ESV)
God says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made—created by design for the good works He’s set before us (Psalm 139:14, Ephesians 2:10). If God calls us His beautiful, beloved children, how could we also not honor the bodies, minds, and souls He’s created by caring for them?
What’s more, God Himself rested after completing the creation of the world (Genesis 2:2-3). Similarly, He commanded His people to rest after six days of work (Exodus 34:21). Jesus also invites us to come to Him when we’re weary, so that He can restore our souls (Matthew 11:28-30).
For the believer, true self-care isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s not about “the self” at all. It’s about honoring Christ and the bodies, minds, and souls He’s given us to serve His community. When we emphasize “self over all others,” we slip into the dark side of self-absorption. However, when we flip that focus into “self, connected to Christ,” we cultivate true self-care as it’s meant to be lived—by walking with Jesus.
The power of positive self-talk
Christ-connected self-care can take many different forms, but the goal is the same: To honor our God-given bodies and rest our souls so we’re refreshed and restored to pursue the calling God places on our lives. One of the ways we can do this is through engaging in positive self-talk. More than simply reciting “positive affirmations,” uplifting self-talk is backed by both Scripture and science.
According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, almost 80% of our internal dialogue is focused on negative thoughts. However, when we rewire our brain to intentionally think positively, our cognitive abilities improve by around 15%. Additionally, according to the American Psychological Association, focusing on strong uplifting thoughts increases overall well-being, including our self-worth, self-perception, and interactions with others. These studies show that as we engage in positive-self talk, it ultimately becomes a form of self-care as we come into agreement with God’s Word. When we come into agreement with God’s Word, we’re better equipped to fulfill our God-given callings and serve the people around us.
“So what is the one thought that can successfully interrupt every negative thought pattern? It’s this: I have a choice.” ― Jennie Allen, “Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts”
Scripture reiterates these truths, noting that the way we think in our hearts ultimately shapes who we become (Proverbs 23:7). What’s more, we’re called to focus our souls on hope (Psalm 42:5), renew our minds in Christ (Romans 12:2), and set our thoughts on things above (Colossians 3:2).
So how do we enact self-care through positive self-talk? Jennie Allen, author of “Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts,” writes:
“We can’t curl up on our couches, read the pages of a book, pray, and simply will our minds to change. God is concerned not only with the posture of our hearts but also with the people in each of our arms. In terms of fulfilling our mission in this life, we can’t do anything worthwhile alone.”
Starting positive self-talk can look like:
- Writing Bible verses on notecards and sticking them to a mirror
- Memorizing one Scripture verse a month
- Starting your day in prayer
- Recognizing and reframing thought spirals
- Seeking out counseling with a trusted professional to work through thought patterns
- Jotting down a list of what God says about you
- Using a gratitude journal to note God’s blessings in your life
- Asking a friend to speak words of truth over you
One of the best ways to hop out of a thought spiral is to stop and use a thought pattern test. Philippians 4:8 (ESV) provides an outline for us to follow:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Unselfish self-care
Self-care is incredibly unselfish when we’re motivated to emulate Christ’s posture of care. God doesn’t desire dried-up, burnt-out, depressed Christians. Rather, He longs to refresh our hearts with His goodness, peace, and mercy.
If you’re ready to dive into coping skills beyond positive self-talk, but you’re not sure where to start, flip the script on your self-care routine by jumping into this list:
- Take a digital detox
- Spend time volunteering at church or in your local community
- Get a planner and organize your month (make sure to schedule time with God, too)
- Read a book or devotional
- Create a nightly prayer and skincare routine
- Try out a new form of exercise
- Visit a new spot you’ve been wanting to explore
- Dedicate time to get enough sleep
- Get outside in a nature park or spend time gardening
- Learn a new hobby, craft, or activity
- Reach out to a friend in need
- Research a cause you care about
- Ask your pastor about service ideas or opportunities
- Sit and soak in worship
- Do an at-home spa day or bubble bath
- Snuggle up with a cozy blanket
Remember, opportunities are endless! Each form of self-care may not be applicable to every situation, but when we invite God to lead us as we choose a Christ-honoring self-care option, He’s faithful to restore us in ways that are unique to the design of our hearts.
God wants us to come to Him in trials, tragedies, and triumphs. He wants us to be image-bearers to a broken world, but we can’t find ways to serve when we’re running on fumes of faithlessness. Ultimately, self-care with a holy purpose—keeping our eyes fixed on God—can be sacred.
